How To Build Self Confidence

How To Build Self Confidence.

Everyone struggles with low self-confidence at some point, even those who seem the most self-assured until they understand how to build self confidence.

Building confidence in oneself starts with a strong sense of self-worth. If you suffer from low self-confidence, don’t worry, it isn’t a life sentence. Confidence, like any other skill, can be learned and mastered. 

Once you have mastered it, everything in your life will change. 

Be Positive – Cut out negativity 

Positive people can help you achieve your dreams while negative people seize such dreams from you. Being positive is associated with several benefits. This is probably why most people consider this as one of the most important resolutions that they make. 

In order for you to become successful in restoring your self confidence, it is essential that you understand the factors that can help you achieve this goal more easily and conveniently. 

Being positive or optimistic is when you look out for the best in every situation and expect that good things will still happen regardless of how bad the situation was. Understand that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. 

You are responsible for your own happiness and don’t blame others for the negative things that might have happened in your life. See your mistakes as an opportunity to learn and improve yourself to become a wiser, better, and stronger individual.

Use your negative experiences to make better decisions and build your character. It’s also advice-able you share your problems and seek help from others, a problem shared is a problem solved.

How To Build Self Confidence
Build Your Self Confidence

Sharing your hardships with someone you trust

Dealing with your problems alone can have a detrimental effect on your health, allowing yourself to struggle through your challenges can complicate things and make them worse.

Sharing your hardships with someone you trust allows you to receive some pieces of advice and encouragement that you can use to re-focus on your self confidence, courage, perseverance, and strength. 

Another important factor is to create a positive environment for yourself. Making developments or changes in your office space, room, or house can make you feel welcomed and relaxed.  

Identify What Brings You Down

At some point in life you might feel down, it’s a normal feeling but the most important thing is that you don’t have to remain down. Get up as fast as possible. 

At all times, the way you make decisions or deal with challenges often have a strong emotional impact on your self esteem and confidence.

The best way to deal with forces that bring you down is to understand what these forces are, then it becomes easier to think of solutions on how to prevent them. 

Some common factors that drain self confidence include:

Series of Failures

Experiencing failure in some aspect of life including work, family, or relationship can make one believe he is indeed a failure. Failure is part of success in the making.

It helps you understand things that work and those that don’t work so you can channel your energy on only activities that produce the desired result

Failure is to motivate you, and not to prevent you from trying new things. It’s okay to fail repeatedly till you finally get things done right but it’s dangerous to give up after failing once. 

Self confidence
How to Build Self Confidence


Fear is an emotion triggered by perceived threats. It is an important part that serves as a basic survival mechanism that signals your body to respond to a danger with a flight response.

However, living in constant fear can completely ruin your self confidence. 

Chances are, your brain may perceive things negatively and keep reminding you of such danger. The reality is that fear only exists in the mind. It does not have any physical appearance, except when you allow it to dominate your thought then it becomes your reality.

What does FEAR stand for? It represents False Evidence Appearing Real. So it doesn’t exist, giving it too much attention will only prevent you from thinking of solutions that will help you solve the problem.

The impossible to please

At some point in your life, you will meet people who will treat you badly, disrespect you, and discredit you for no significant reason. We all experience it at some point in life, It’s normal, it’s part of life.

If you ever find yourself in such a situation, it’s best for you to simply walk away. 

It’s not worth your time and emotions trying to please someone who does not get satisfied, especially when you are not the only victim of such an attitude from the same person.

Some people are really hard to please. It’s better to accept the fact that you will never please them no matter how hard you try. Just ignore them and always work towards finding better space for yourself.  

Fake Friends

As much as it’s important to have friends, you need to distance yourself from fake friends. They will never see the greatness in you. They are the ones that see reasons why you are not good enough or reasons why you can’t do something. 

Spend time with only worthy friends

Worthy friends are people who see the positive side of you, they don’t judge you by your mistakes or weakness.

They will always encourage you to try new things and improve yourself. Hanging around people like these will automatically boost your courage and increase your self confidence. 

How To Build Self Confidence
Self Confidence

Effectively Manage Stress Level

These days it’s hard not to get overwhelmed once in a while. Between juggling work, family, and other commitments, you can become too stressed out and busy. But you need to set time aside to unwind or your mental and physical health can suffer.

Learning how to manage your stress takes practice, but you can — and need to — do it. 

Here are some practices to make it easier.


Working out regularly is one of the best ways to relax your body and mind. Exercise will improve your mood. But you have to do it often for it to pay off.

So how should you exercise your body?

Practice a minimum of 1 hour of moderately intense exercise like walking, swimming, jogging or any other form of exercise you feel comfortable with. Focus on setting daily fitness goals you can meet so you don’t give up.

Most importantly, remember that doing any exercise is better than none at all.

Relax Your Muscles

When you’re stressed, your muscles get tense. You can help loosen them up on your own and refresh your body by:

  •     Stretching
  •     Enjoying a massage
  •     Taking a bath or shower
  •     Getting a relaxing rest

Deep Breathing

Stopping and taking a few deep breaths can take the pressure off you right away. You’ll be surprised how much better you feel once you get good at it. 

Just follow this simple practice:

Sit in a comfortable position with your hands in your lap and your feet on the floor or you can lie down, close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place.

It can be on the beach, in a beautiful field of grass, or anywhere that gives you a peaceful feeling. Slowly take deep breaths in and out, do this for 2 to 5 minutes at a time.

eat healthy - feel healthy
Eat Healthy Meals

Eat Healthy And Balanced Diet

Eating a healthy and well-balanced diet will help you feel better in general. It will also help control your moods. Your meals should be full of vegetables and fruit and don’t skip any.

Make Time for Hobbies

You need to set aside time for things you enjoy. Try to do something every day that makes you feel good. It will help relieve your stress, it doesn’t have to be a ton of time — even 15 to 20 minutes will do. 

Relaxing hobbies include activities like:

  •     Reading
  •     Watching funny skit
  •     Doing an art 
  •     Playing cards or board games
  •     Watching a movie
  •     Doing puzzles

Talk About Your Problems

If things are bothering you, talking about them can help lower your stress. You can talk to family members, friends, a trusted clergyman, your doctor, or a coach.

And you can also talk to yourself. It’s called self-talk and we all do it. But in order for self-talk to help reduce stress you need to make sure it’s positive talk and not negative.

So listen closely to what you’re thinking or saying when you’re stressed out.

If you’re giving yourself a negative message, change it to a positive one. For example, don’t tell yourself “I can’t do this.” Tell yourself instead: “I can do this,” or “I’m doing the best I can.”

Go Easy On Yourself

Accept that you can’t do things perfectly no matter how hard you try. You also can’t control everything in your life. So do yourself a favor and stop thinking you can do so much. And don’t forget to keep up your sense of humor.

Laughter goes a long way towards making you feel relaxed.

Eliminate Your Triggers

Figure out the biggest causes of stress in your life. Is it your job, your commute, your schoolwork? When you identify what they are, see if you’re able to eliminate them from your life, or at least reduce them.

If you can’t identify the main causes of your stress, try keeping a stress journal. Make note of when you become most anxious, then determine the triggers and find ways to remove or lessen those triggers.

Take a Walk

Exercise is a fantastic stress reliever that can work in minutes. Taking a walk allows you to enjoy a change of scenery, which can get you into a different frame of mind.

So whether you just need to take a stroll around the office to get a break from a frustrating task or you decide to go for a long walk in the park after work, walking is a simple but effective way to rejuvenate your mind and body.

Beautiful smile
Boost Self Confidence

Completely Eliminate Your Anger

Too much stress often leads to unforeseen anger outbursts, especially when the underlying issues  are not addressed. 

The outbursts can sometimes be so unexpected, that it could take on an element of violence, and this could easily drain your self esteem and confidence. 

Being conscious about who and where you spend your time helps avoid unforeseen anger outbursts. 

In-case you find yourself in a state of a possible anger outburst, taking a time out is very effective in controlling the possibility of having an anger outburst display.

It gives you the opportunity to step back and take a moment to relax your nerves, put yourself together before responding to the situation.

One dangerous thing to do is to respond immediately. Two angry people can’t reach a reasonable conclusion.

Overcome an anger outburst

One proven method to overcome an anger outburst is to take a deep breath, take some few seconds to see things from the other person’s perspective and genuinely respond in a way that you would like to be responded to if you were in the other person’s shoes.

In reality, your response might not appeal to you as winning the argument, but it will indeed make everyone present including your opponent see you as a reasonable and mature mind that can manage difficult situations. 

There is no gain in trying to win an argument by making the other person believe you know better than him, you don’t get a trophy for winning an argument. Instead, the argument continues until it finally turns into a physical combat. 

No one is comfortable around someone that can’t control his temper and constantly engages in argument with others. Letting go of the argument and walk away with a smile helps you gain the admiration of others.

This simple practice will help you win every argument in a mature way without losing your temper.

Coming up with solutions rather than focusing on the problem is another route to take when it comes to addressing  anger  issues. 

When you are occupied with finding solutions to the cause of such an argument, there is less likelihood of the mind dwelling on the negativity of the problem which contributes to the anger.  

Self Confidence

Overcome Low Self-Confidence

In most cases low self-confidence begins to develop due to circumstances that are out of our control.

This could be during our childhood. Unfortunately, many of us have parents, teachers, friends and enemies who are keener to our weaknesses than our strengths.

They would tell us of our mistakes and kill our inner drives.  

These are subtle triggering instances that contribute to low self-confidence.  

Even when you tell yourselves how harsh and messed up things may get, you must still not surrender to the inner critic that thrives inside you.

You must defeat your inner critic and show off your greatness to the world.

Don’t be fooled

Even the most confident people have their insecurities but always get over it as quickly as possible so you also need to get over your insecurities and focus on manifesting the possibilities within you.

You can improve your self-confidence regardless of how you were in the past.

What matters now is your present and not your past. Take stock of yourself, your strengths and capabilities. You will discover that there are lots of potentials in you that can help you achieve your desired goals. 

Try something new and interesting, repeating the same old fashioned daily routine can be boring without any touch of excitement.

You can start by taking some new pictures of yourself and hang them all over your room, office and places you can easily see them. This will easily remind you of how beautiful you truly are.

Visit new places, you can use the internet as your guide to discover new destinations that align with your personality.

Some people like hanging out at the beach, while some like long distance travel to a new location and someone else might like a 2 day vacation on the 8th floor of a well located hotel with an awesome view.

Build confidence
See life from an interesting perspective

See life from a new perspective

With each new adventure or skill you earn, you will add another notch to your confidence level. With time, you will learn that there is literally nothing you can’t do when you believe in yourself.

For you to overcome low self-confidence, you need to forgive yourself for your mistakes.

No one is ever all good or all bad and we all have flaws. Doing something you regret doesn’t make you an awful person, just as doing something good doesn’t make you a saint. Forgive yourself and allow yourself to be beautifully human.

Failing doesn’t make you a failure, there is a big difference between failing at something you do and being a failure as a person, so don’t confuse the two. A failure is a person that failed once and gave up, never tried again. 

Successful people fail all the time and use it as motivation to keep going. JK Rowling’s original Harry Potter pitch was rejected 12 times before it was published, and now she’s one of the most successful authors in the world.

Use your knock-backs to develop strength and resilience to keep on trying.

Boost Your Self-Confidence 

There are basic practice that can help boost your self confidence, and some of the practice include:

Live in the present

Another way to overcome low self esteem is to live in the present and not let the hurts of your past or worries affect your present. The past is gone and you can’t change it, the future is yet to come, so calm down. Live in the present and enjoy every bit of your moment. 

You can achieve this by engaging all your five senses

Listening to melodious music, taking a deep breath and feeling the breeze of air on your skin, and enjoying the beautiful color of the sky. All these will draw your consciousness into the present and help you have the right frame of mind when making day-to-day decisions.

Be kind to yourself

Why would you be kind to others, but be hard on yourself? One of the tricks for overcoming low self confidence is to treat yourself just the way you’d treat your best pal: be caring, gentle, and forgiving.

Sometimes, we may be kind to our friends and family but forget to extend that kindness to ourselves! Accept yourself, love yourself, and feel your self esteem soar.

Be non-judgemental – When we approach our lives non-judgmentally, we simply accept ourselves, our experiences, our failures and successes and other people just as they are, neither good or bad, without pride or shame.

Write good notes to yourself
Always relate to yourself positively

Write Positive Notes To Yourself

Since self-esteem is often about the story our mind tells us about ourselves, one of the best low self-esteem cure tricks is to write positive notes to yourself. Buy a stack of sticky notes, go home, and write down a bunch of nice things about yourself.

Then, stick the notes all over your house. Put them on the bathroom mirror, a dresser drawer, and on the fridge. These are objects you interact with every day, so you’ll see the notes all the time.

Do Something For Someone Else

When you volunteer, act in service, or simply say something kind, you are opening yourself up for connection. Establish a reputation of being known for making the lives of other people happier, healthier, and more successful.

This helps you practice compassion and it makes you feel good about yourself being able to add value to another person.

Your Body Language Tells A Lot About You

If you don’t believe in yourself, it will automatically reflect in your body signs, then how can you expect anyone else to believe in you?  

For you to build confidence, it’s important you embrace confident body language.

There have been many studies on the subject, and all of the studies have proven that by simply adopting confident body language you will increase your self-confidence almost immediately.  

Exercises that can help improve your self confidence almost immediately

  • Stand tall and stretch your body upward as much as possible, keep your chest level letting your shoulders roll back and down. Do that continuously till you feel more comfort and confidence within your soul.
  • Stand tall and slightly bend your knees, take a deep breath and smile. Standing up tall and taking up space while remaining comfortable and relaxed is key for appearing and feeling more confident about yourself.  

A similar trick that can build instant confidence is to adopt a “power pose.” To do this, you simply need to stand up like you just won a gold medal at the Olympics.

Stand up straight with your hands in a “V” above your head. Stand with your feet spread apart, your head up, and a big smile on your face. Hold the pose for a minute. As you do, take a deep breath into your belly.  

Every time you inhale, imagine that your body is expanding, taking up the entire room. By the time the minute has passed, it’s highly likely that you will be feeling more confident and powerful.  

Train Your Brain

Low self-confidence is often a direct result of negative thinking. As humans, we tend to focus on all the traits and characteristics that we don’t possess and continually remind ourselves of the things we lack. 

A great way to help you build more confidence is to reverse this way of thinking. Every day, make a point to focus on your positive traits and characteristics. 

Some of the harshest comments that we hear come from ourselves, it comes from our inner critic. If your inner critic becomes inaccurate and overactive, it can lead you to developing low self-esteem and low confidence.  

Congratulate, compliment and reward yourself

Always be on the lookout for opportunities to congratulate, compliment and reward yourself and finally put a stop to the negative self-talk that destroys your confidence. 

When you are struggling with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, it’s a good idea to think about a past event or achievement that filled you with tremendous feelings of happiness and joy.  

This can be as simple as a letter or email from a colleague praising you for a job well done, or a word of congratulations from a friend, or family member, praising you for your accomplishments.

You can think about an award, ribbon, medal, or accolade you received in the past for a specific personal triumph, or even for earning high marks on a project, or an exam. 

The point is to focus on something that fills you with a broad sense of happiness and personal satisfaction. To help you recall how you felt during that time, hold a physical reminder of the past event or achievement.

Take some time to look at it, feel it, and allow yourself to remember the experience of that joyful, emotional moment in your life.  

Your past achievements are real testimonials of your inner self-worth, and by recognizing them often, you can increase your self-confidence.   

Surround Yourself with Positive People

Surrounding yourself with only those people who support you, will provide you with the positive energy you need to keep your confidence in check. This should be one of your personal goals, to surround yourself with people who provide you the love, warmth, and care that you deserve. 

When you surround yourself with positive people who trigger your inner confidence, you will become stronger and your self confidence will increase, keeping such company makes you become much better.

Look at the relationships that you have in your life and find ways to limit time with, or cut ties with those people in your life who are negative.

Doing this should provide you with the space you need to prevent them from wrecking your self-confidence with their negativity. 

The people that you associate with on a regular basis are an essential part of building your self-confidence. Surround yourself with those who have a positive and supportive effect on your well-being and watch as you get a substantial boost to your confidence levels.  


If you feel that you suffer from low self-esteem, the methods described in this book can help you feel better about who you are and where you are going. 

Don’t let a lack of confidence continue to keep you from accomplishing your goals and becoming the person you’ve always wanted to become.

With a little bit of time and effort, you can build your self-esteem and confidence and start living a happier and healthier life.   

Remember: Nothing changes if nothing changes, start implementing the principles described now.

  1. Be Positive – Cut out negativity 
  2. Identify What Brings You Down
  3. Effectively Manage Stress Level
  4. Completely Eliminate Your Anger
  5. Overcome Low Self-Confidence
  6. Boost Your Self-Confidence 
  7. Your Body Language Tells A Lot About You
  8. Train Your Brain
  9. Surround Yourself with Positive People 

This is not an article you should read once and let go, you are expected to use this article as your guide. Revisit it regularly to read about the topic you are working on, till you perfect the entire principles described. 

I wish you great success as you begin to increase your Self Confidence for greater accomplishments.

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Rilwan Ajibola

I help business executives enhance productivity, increase sales, and expand their business. You can join my online course, request a consulting service, or book me for corporate training.
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